Baby Grands: Sailor Moon Edition
by Serenitychan13
Summary: Mamoru has suggested a camping trip and he's really starting to regret it. How many of you have nearly killed your friends in a car? Rating K for now.
1. Tidings

_**Disclaimer:**_ **Hello lovelies! Before we go any further, I must tell you that I do not own the rights to Sailor Moon. I'm going to assume those belong to Naoko Takeuchi. I own more VHS's than I care to admit, and the first three seasons on DVD. I am entirely too picky about looks to have the rest of the fourth season with MISMATCHED COVERS! But yes, other than those things and some knickknacks here and there, I don't own Sailor Moon. I also don't do witty disclaimers – if you want witty disclaimers WITH your Sailor Moon fics, please visit Alicia Blade's works!**

_**A Brief Author's Note: **_**Here, we have the first fic in the LJ 10_prompts community's Table 2 and the start of a new series of Baby Grands. If you haven't read my Repo! The Genetic Opera, Sanctuary, or Alice In Wonderland 2010 fics of these titles, let me explain. A thousand is sometimes colloquially referred to as a "grand". The "baby" bit comes from the term "ficlet," which just brings to mind the image of baby fanfics.**

1 - Tidings

A shiver traveled up Hino Rei's spine… a grim, grizzly, not-grinning shiver. It was a terrible omen! Something horrible was going to happen! She wracked her brains for other signs she had seen recently. Had she seen chopsticks stuck in rice recently? If she were really honest with herself, had she skimped with her offerings so as to have more funds at the mall? Had she not been diligent in her chores around the shrine? Could she do a better job of controlling her mind at prayer? No, no chopsticks, she thought. Her brow furrowed – no, she hadn't been to the mall in weeks. Looking around, she saw the shrine practically sparkling at her, squeaky clean. With a deeper frown, she concluded that her mind came up just this side of "steel trap" status.

"Ojii-chan?" she called, looking up from the dish she had been drying.

"Rei? Is something wrong?" he hollered from the courtyard of the shrine.

"Never mind, 'jii-chan," she called back. "It was nothing."

She heard him grunt at her in assent and after a moment, he went back to telling off Yuuichirou for not sweeping the stairs correctly.

"Not so aimlessly, young man!" ordered Hino-ojii-chan. "You must take _pride _in doing your chores at this shrine!"

Rei felt comforted by her grandfather's shouting voice and Yuuichirou's response of "Aw, man!"

"Go easy on me, ojii-san!" he wheedled, now leaning on his broom – he had just crossed a line.

"I'm not your ojii-san, brat!" yelled the old man. "Now I want these stairs to shine in the sunlight and you still haven't cleaned the shrine floor! Rei is a delicate girl and you should be ashamed of yourself for making her do it all on her own! Earn your keep, boy!"

The dark-haired girl went back to work on the dishes, wiping the cloth gently through the lacquered miso bowls and setting them to the side, stacking them carefully on the counter. Surely she had only imagined the shiver. But no, that was impossible! She had been trained from a very young age to know the difference between the physical, the spiritual, and something she had just plain imagined. Something out there had gone very, very wrong and she had no way of knowing what. But she attempted to shrug it off. It was probably just an energy shift of some kind, right?

"Ooh!" She turned red about the face, a touch angry and grumbling under her breath. "Oh, this _better _be nothing at all!"

But then _things _started running through her mind – all kinds of things, _bad _things. Maybe the Dark Kingdom had come up with something new, something that could cause all kinds of death and destruction! Could it be something related to that strange tuxedo man? Tuxedo Mask, he called himself. Yes, he was handsome, but hadn't she always been taught that people in masks couldn't be trusted? She seemed to remember that line from an American movie. Wow, the man in that movie had been handsome too! No, wait! She brought her mind back on track – she had to figure out the threat, then alert the others! This could be incredibly serious!

"Okay, calm down," she told herself sternly. She stuck her tongue out at one of the shrine cats and shooed him away, off the counter. "You're scaring yourself over nothing. Getting as bad as Usagi, and that is just unacceptable!"

"Rei-san?" asked Yuuichirou's voice from the hallway – he had a bucket in hand, ready to fill it and start work on the floors. "I heard you talking. Are you all right?"

Rei scowled, not at Yuuichirou – really, she was grateful for his concern.

"It's nothing, really," she told him, frowning at a spot of dried-on grated ginger at the corner of a plate. "I was just thinking out loud over the dishes – that's all."

The sort-of-professional singer scratched his bushy head and studied her from behind his tangle of bangs.

"Thought you sounded worried, figured I'd see about you," he told her. "Just let me know if you need anything!"

"Thank you, Yuu-chan," She turned and smiled at him. "But you'd better get to work on the floorboards before 'jii-chan comes back and starts screaming!"

He grinned somewhat lopsidedly at her, filled his bamboo bucket, slung a cloth over his shoulder, and left the kitchen, sliding the shoji panel closed behind him. Rei smiled a different sort of smile back down at the dishes. Yuuichirou was a sweet young man – a bit unfocused and a lot goofy, but genuinely a very caring person. He might never make it as a shrine-keeper, but he worked hard… most of the time. She shook her head, blew some of her bangs out of her eyes, and scraped at the dried-on ginger with her fingernails. It came off.

"Okay, it's not going away," she said aloud, this time to the cat. It ignored her and turned its attention to its backside. "This has to be serious."

Rei set the plate down, turned the water off in the sink, and reached for a dry towel. After drying her hands and smoothing the cloth back over the towel bar, she tossed her hair out of habit, leaving the kitchen in a bit of a hurry. She tried not to let her grandfather or their boarder/apprentice see her rushing down the back hallway towards her room – the last thing she needed was a load of questions right this second. Sometimes, she figured they were getting suspicious enough, though she tried to keep her nighttime disappearances as discreet as possible. For several long seconds, she pawed through her school uniform. Her communicator was ringing!

"Mars here!" she exclaimed, clicking the button.

Usagi's distraught face came through on the circular screen.

"REI!" screeched Usagi. "My mom found the dirty manga Mina gave me and she thinks it's mine and I'm in so much trouble! WAAAAH!"

It was all Rei could do not to break the small pink device in two.

**Japanese Glossary**

**Ojii-chan/'jii-chan – "Grandpa" or "Gramps"**

**Ojii-san – more formal, "Grandfather"**

**Shoji – paper panels that make up traditional Japanese homes**


	2. Cake

_**Disclaimer:**_ **Hi there! I still don't own Sailor Moon. I really need to pick up the new release of the manga, third volume. But I don't actually own the rights to Sailor Moon, or anything else for that matter.**

_**A Brief Author's Note: **_**Here, we have the second fic in the LJ 10_prompts community's Table 2. As you may have noticed, the previous ficlet took place first-season. This one, obviously, takes place after the series ends. Mamoru and Usagi have her parents' blessing to get married.**

2 - Cake

"Usagi... dear… remind me why I'm here again?" he wheedled once more.

Usagi licked a dab of frosting out of the corner of her mouth, distracting him momentarily.

"Because this is the best cake shop in Japan – it's internationally known!" she told him for what seemed like the ten-to-the-twenty-fifth _billionth_ time. Then she paused, taking another forkful from a different sample selection. "Plus, it's the only one in Tokyo that offers tasting days like this!"

Mamoru raked one hand through his already-untidy hair and looked around uncomfortably. Everything in the shop seemed to be some shade of _pink_ or other pastel shade blinding to the male eye. Women and girls sat around frilly little tables in clusters, at one end of the emotional spectrum or the other. Mostly the girls giggled and the ladies cried. The gaggle of younger ladies at every table leaned towards one or the other as well. All of them had the teeniest, most fragile of china plates in front of them and the silver-est, most delicate silver forks in hand.

"Wouldn't you like to try this one, Mamoru-chan?" Ikuko offered, holding up the plate that had been in front of him.

Her words said "wouldn't you like," but her tone said _"you'd freaking better!" _As much as he wracked his brains, Chiba Mamoru could not remember Queen Serenity being scarier than Tsukino Ikuko. Then again, even the bravest and most logical of men were rightfully scared stiff of their fiancée's mother. Her dad had been almost _easy _to win over compared to this lady, and he had openly used the word "gun." So he did what any smart, reasonable man would do: obediently picked up his fork and selected the least… lacy-looking of the miniature creations on the plate in front of him. As he chewed, he could practically feel himself developing diabetes.

"Ooh! Usagi-chan, try this one!" urged Minako, indicating one with pink sugar hearts on it. "It's got strawberries in the middle!"

Usagi squealed in delight and tucked right in, obviously enjoying the pink sugar heart attack.

"Careful there, Odango!" chided Rei. "You won't fit in your dress!"

Rei squawked when Usagi obviously kicked her under the table and leaned down to rub her abused limb, glaring at the blonde.

"I haven't even _picked_ my dress yet!" Usagi came dangerously close to breaking all the china in the cake shop with her decibel level. "Why do you have to be so _mean_, Rei! Really, I just want to fit in a pretty wedding dress and be a pretty bride and-"

Makoto scrunched up her nose, removed one finger from one ear and pulled on one of Usagi's pigtails to stem the tide of noise.

"Usagi-chan, relax!" she half-bellowed. "That's our next stop and you're not going to gain ten pounds in an hour and a half!"

This seemed to pacify the blonde, who let out one more brilliant, happy shriek, causing another table's occupants to visibly scoot away. Usagi tried one that had chocolate ganache in between layers of angel-food cake and seemed to want to melt off her chair and burble on the floor for a moment. Ami tried a bite of the same one and made a very Ami-ish "_ooh!"_ sound in pleasant surprise. She blushed and hid her face in her napkin to avoid the eyebrow Mamoru raised at her. Makoto had started an amiable argument with a passing waiter about the virtues of ganache versus mousse as cake layers and filling. She had been sizing up the bake shop since they walked in. Everyone in the group could see the wheels turning in her head. Surely _her_ shop would be a million times better, no matter how good this one might turn out to be!

"Tsukino-san?" asked Minako. "Which one is your favorite?"

"Mina-chan, how many times do I have to tell you that you girls can all call me 'mom'?" Ikuko scolded playfully. "You've eaten enough of my food over the years!"

"But not as much as Usagi!" Rei put in, causing Usagi to pinch her. "What are you, twelve!"

"Girls!" Ikuko raised her voice _just _enough to rein in the oncoming argument. "But to answer your question, Mina-chan, I'm fond of this one with the blueberry compote in it!"

She indicated a blue-and-lavender version of the strawberry-with-sugar-hearts creation. Mina took a generous forkful and her eyes sparkled in enjoyment. Makoto took a bite herself, nodding in appreciation. It met Rei's approval. Ami balked, though.

"I have an allergy to blueberries," she told them. "I apologize, everyone!"

The other girls and Ikuko reassured Ami that there was absolutely nothing to apologize for and allergies were nothing anybody could help. Mamoru chewed away at the rather bland vanilla yellow cake in his mouth and all of a sudden felt a pang of fear no man should ever feel. Was he about to get dragged… wedding dress shopping? No, no… Usagi would not do that to him! He had done entirely too much to take care of her for her to go and do something like that… There had to be some kind of an excuse… There had to be-

"Mamo-chan?" Usagi poked his shoulder with her fork, bringing him back to reality. He blinked at her and she held up one last tiny cake sample on a plate. "Is the strawberry insides with chocolate ganache layers okay with you? They even have silver sugar icing highlights!"

It was all he could do not to let his shoulders visibly drop with relief. She _wasn't _asking him to go dress shopping! She had asked about FOOD! Yes, this was a good thing! Ikuko smiled, finishing her blueberry-compote cake quietly. It seemed every female eye, including Luna's, in the store, had suddenly fixed on him.

"Yes, Usa…" he replied, trying again not to let too much relief creep into his voice. "It's fine with me as long as I don't have to go dress shopping!"

The girls, Luna, and Ikuko laughed.


	3. Voyage

_**Disclaimer:**_ Still don't own Sailor Moon – but I have had the experience of being told to stay off a bum ankle and having to hop to the kitchen for food. Not mine, don't sue.

_**A Brief Author's Note: **_I know I keep promising the rating is going to go up, but I'm writing most of these in class. I know, I know – I'm bad! But yeah, I don't want people looking over my shoulder at my smutty smut!

3 – Voyage

It seemed like the trip took forever… She didn't _want _to go, but everything in her body, mind, and heart told her she _needed _to go! Usagi reached out one hand and willed her non-existent powers of telekinesis to make themselves manifest _right now_. But of course, they didn't. Nothing sweet and tasty came to her hand. She pouted, arms crossed over her chest under her pink-and-blue bunny-printed blanket. There she was, stuck on the couch with a sprained ankle and a nasty cold.

And the cookies that her mom just made sat tantalizingly on the kitchen counter, just within sight.

Tsukino Usagi had been defined by a lot of people as a lot of things: lazy, dumb, obnoxious, useless, and a whole bunch of other things that were just _great_ for a young girl's self-esteem. But when she put her mind to something, everyone could agree, hell or high water wouldn't stop her! And she wanted those cookies. She checked the clock on the VCR – her dad had finally set it so it was probably right. It was 2:43 in the afternoon. Shinji wouldn't be home from school for at least an hour. And Dad wouldn't be home from work for something like two. Mom had gone out to the store.

She pulled her communicator out of the pocket of her cute little pink Hello Kitty pajama bottoms. Minako-chan might be willing to blow off her last class… but not just for a share of Ikuko-san's homemade cookies. There would have to be a boy involved, and Usagi wasn't _quite _ready to share her crush on Motoki-niii-chan. Rei would explode at her for even _considering _bothering her in class over something so petty and _fattening _as cookies. Ami was already bringing her today's homework, so it wouldn't be right to bother her. And Mako-chan paid almost as little attention in class as Usagi herself did, so it was a safe bet that she was soundly asleep on her desk.

So there she was – ankle wrapped in pink stretch bandages and a cold mask over her face – with still no cookies. Luna, maybe? No. She wouldn't approve of cookies in the middle of the afternoon, with the added bonus of a lecture about being more careful and watching where she was going. Well Usagi didn't need that garbage – she needed cookies!

Bright blue eyes narrowed in the deepest of concentration. Hmm… the kitchen counter had to be about, what? About three meters, maybe a little more? The doctor had said to stay _off _that ankle for a day solid, just to give it a chance to recover. He had been quite stern about telling her that she had been very lucky not to wind up with a hairline fracture. Perhaps, though, there might be a way to get over to that kitchen, get those cookies, _and _stay off the ankle!

Slowly, very carefully, she stretched out her good leg. Eek! It was _cold _once she stuck skin out from under her bunny blanket! But determination for cookies overcame the distaste for being cold. She pricked her ears out as best she could – Luna couldn't know about this! Her foot hit the carpet with virtually no sound. A bit more awkwardly that she would have liked to admit, Usagi used both arms and the reclining bit of the couch to lever herself upright. She wobbled a bit, but with the help of an end table, managed to steady herself.

"Okay, Usagi… A little bit at a time," she told herself through gritted teeth.

One hand reached out timidly and grabbed hold of Dad's favorite recliner, the big blue one. It rocked dangerously and she hopped frantically over to it! She bit down on her lip, sniffled heavily as her nose started to run, and managed to keep a gigantic patented Usagi-shriek from escaping. Her good ankle started to roll a bit – she wasn't used to going about using only her left side. She'd never really given much thought to being left- or right-handed, but it seemed she was very right-side dominant.

After a moment's thought, she managed to _use _the rocking of the big puffy rocking-chair to guide her hops along. She tipped precariously, but caught hold of the open doorway into the kitchen. Again, her left ankle wobbled, threatening to tip her onto her backside. She had no way of knowing where Luna might be, always ready with a nice long earful.

"Only about a meter to go…" she grunted, clutching the doorway.

Could she do it? Could she hop the rest of the way without creating an overage of mess, clatter, and drama? The cookies sat innocently on the wing of the kitchen counter, their smell… no, their _aroma _calling out to her stuffed-up nose. She had to try! If for no other reason, at this point, than to prove to herself that she could! She sniffled hard, building herself up for a bum's rush.

She hopped! Her arms flailed and her disheveled pigtails flew everywhere. By biting down on her lip again, she contained another enormous wail. For a moment, she wished she hadn't worn socks, but the Hello Kitty knee socks had been just the perfect things to go with the pajamas! A squeak escaped as her flailing caused her bummed ankle to twitch in a very uncomfortable manner. A thump – somewhere in the house, Luna had awakened and just hit the floor.

Three hops… A moment of desperation… And she made it! Usagi's Kitty-printed rear slid triumphantly up onto one of the kitchen barstools. For a moment, she wriggled about pretentiously, making _sure_ that she sat _just _right. She grabbed a cookie, a little pink sugary heart, and took a bite.

"Usagi-chan?" called Luna's voice. "Usagi-chan, are you up!"

"N-no, Luna!" Usagi fibbed back, trying to swallow the cookie bite at the same time. "Why?"

All of a sudden, a furry black face stared knowingly into her eyes.

"Because I've been asleep on the other counter."


	4. Battle

_**Disclaimer: **_**It still isn't mine. Please don't sue me. You really wouldn't get much, cos I'm a broke college student. Go sue somebody with money. Then give me some. I'll give you a cookie!**

_**A Brief Author's Note: **_**How many of you have ever been about to freaking lose your minds on a car trip? Ever notice how, all of a sudden, you are ready to kill people that, on a normal day, you would give your life for in an instant? Like, EVERYTHING is all of a sudden a major irritation?**

4 – Battle

"DO NOT MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND!" bellowed a finally-exasperated Chiba Mamoru.

Movement in the rented vehicle stopped – Mamoru craned his neck up to see the freeze-frame in the rear-view mirror.

Makoto had Minako in a head lock, the blonde trying in futility to either pull her ponytail or smack her in the head. Rei had a sacred paper in hand, the remainder of her screeched threat to demon-banish Usagi into next Friday. Sweet little Ami had a book in front of her, that she seemed very much to be trying to melt into. Luna had attached herself to the head rest behind Ami. Usagi sniffled, swiping at her nose, a wail threatening to explode from her.

How in the name of all that's holy had this happened!

"So, Rei-chan…" Usagi prodded, reaching across Mako-chan and applying two 'companionable' pokes to the raven-haired girl's side. Violet eyes flashed at her. "Who _was _that guy I saw leaving the shrine the other day? I thought you and that guy I saw leaving the shrine the other day? I thought you and _Yuuichirou_ had some kind of something going on!"

She extended all the vowels in "Yuuichirou" in a way that made Rei's teeth set on edge. She stared out of the window at passing cars, trying very hard to ignore the odango-atama. After another poke, Rei had smacked Usagi, yanked headphones out of her purse, and turned on her tape player. Usagi, naturally, started screaming to Mako-chan that "REI'S BEING MEAN!" Ami shrank as far as she could into her book. Minako didn't seem to notice, her own tape player squealing the newest idol's latest song. She had turned the volume all the way up, of course.

Mako-chan thumped Rei on the back of her dark head and exchanged significant looks with her. The training priestess rolled her eyes and looked back out the window. Satisfied, the brunette turned back to Usagi and assured her that Rei didn't mean it. Appeased, Usagi settled back into her seat with a manga… which she quickly started giggling at. Soon, the odango-atama sat howling and practically flailing with laughter. Mako-chan tried to scoot in the other direction, but her hips didn't quite allow it.

Mamoru took a quick look in the rear-view mirror to make sure that peace had once again fallen on the five girls. Mako-chan sat wedged in between Usagi and Rei, slumped forward with her elbows on her knees and looking quite weary already. Rei, on the left side of the van, stared out the window, a muscle in her jaw ticking steadily though otherwise she looked calm. Usagi giggled again at her manga in the seat behind Mamoru's. In the back, Minako had her legs kicked up on the seat beside her, singing along under her breath and out of tune to the song on her tape player. Squished all the way to the left to make room for Minako's shoes, Ami sat rather stiffly, staring into her book. Clearly, she had stopped actually _reading _a while back.

Yes, they were peaceful for the moment.

But then Usagi let out a screech of laughter that caused Rei to clench her jaw hard, counting to ten through her teeth. The priestess made it as far as four and tried to launch herself across Mako-chan to throttle the giggling blonde! Mako-chan yelped in protest and shoved Rei back out of self-defense. Usagi let out a wail and pressed herself against the door, accidentally hitting the window-down button. With a terrible whirring noise, the window stuck open. The resulting gust knocked Minako's headphones off and, surprised and zoned out, she nearly fell off her seat, kicking Ami's book from her hands. Rolling her eyes and adjusting her glasses, the blue-haired girl leaned forward to rummage in the floorboards.

"REI'S TRYING TO HURT ME!" screamed Usagi, kicking one leg across Mako-chan, leaving her flipflop on the floor of the van, and holding Rei off with her bare foot. "Mako-chan, make her stop!"

"Keep yelling like that and I'M going to hurt you!" hollered Mako-chan, pushing Usagi's leg off her. "Jeez, Usagi-chan, you and Rei fight like the cats behind my house!"

Rei pulled down one eyelid, stuck her tongue out, and blew a magnificent raspberry at Usagi, unfortunately spraying Mako-chan's cheek with spit. Makoto's green eyes narrowed and she yanked a lock of Rei's hair in retaliation. Usagi yelled "FIGHT!" and Minako leaned over the back of the seat to observe the fisticuffs. Ami, having retrieved her book, curled back in her seat, trying her hardest to recover her place.

"Get her Mako-chan!" encouraged the second blonde. Usagi produced a box of Pocky – the strawberry kind – and she and Minako cracked into it. "Mako-chan can break her in half, you know."

And it looked like the brunette was giving it a good try! But Rei wriggled out of her headlock and pulled out a sacred paper. Makoto rolled her eyes and shoved Rei back into her own seat, slumping down and grumbling. Usagi passed Minako another stick of Pocky and they both crunched away, Minako scattering crumbs down the back of Mako-chan's neck. Clenching her teeth, Mako-chan swiped at the back of her neck, growling at Minako. Usagi shrank back, sensing another outburst. When Mako-chan finally yelled and grabbed Minako in a head lock, Usagi screamed.

Mamoru's hands clenched on the wheel and he felt a deep-seated migraine coming on. The clamoring in the back of the vehicle escalated. He couldn't even distinguish between the squabbling voices anymore. The dull thuds of girls smacking each other seemed to get louder and louder. And the noises started to run together. It all sounded like noise-mud. How much longer could he tolerate it? He wondered if this could be a manifestation of insanity on his part. After all, hadn't it been his idea to go on this loony camping trip in the first place?

Rei whacked Usagi a good one. Usagi hit back.

Mamoru snapped.


End file.
